called

Just sitting in bed this rainy Saturday morning thinking... this is probably going to be extremely long because I am reminiscing..... but I want to remember all these thoughts and memories!

For as long as I can remember I have had this aching in my heart for the poor & the elderly.

When I was a little girl, 2nd-4th grade, me and a friend started visiting this nursing home. Actually to live in this home you had to be Jewish, it is the one right in front of the Jewish Community Center in West Bloomfield. We visited this nursing home often. I know we visited lots of people but I specifically remember 2 that we spent the most time with. Their names were Sophie and Kay. Sophie was very old and thin. We read to her but often she would tell us stories too. A lot of times her stories really scared me. She would talk about the doctors coming in and hurting her and she didn't know what was going on. I would cry after she would tell me these things. Eventually I think we had to stop visiting her because the adults in charge found out how scared we were getting. My little heart was so broken for Sophie.. she didn't have many visitors, she was so frightened, she was losing her mind... she passed away and I was really upset.
Then there was Kay. Kay had MS. The experience of knowing Kay is probably what made my little mind understand what disease was... and I hated it. I hated that Kay had no control over this disease taking over her life. She was younger than Sophie, and much more joyful. She had some family but we were her main visitors as well. I remember Kay really loved to tell us things that would make us smile, but I also remember her telling us about her disease. She was so sad when she talked about being bedridden. Like anyone who gets diagnosed with a major disease she never imagined her life would look this way. I remember being so angry at disease, hating it SO much. Kay was still living when we stopped making our visits to the nursing home. Eventually we had to stop going, I can't remember why. There was actually a little article in the Jewish News about us going and visiting though, kind of funny hahaha. No wonder people think I am Jewish so much!

Still today something in my heart is just overwhelmingly moved by the elderly. Whether they are happy or depresed, surrounded or alone, sick or healthy...I cannot explain it but I know that I am supposed to love them, not only when the chance just comes along and I run into someone in need, but to make a point of asking the Lord where he wants me to go and what it looks like for me to care for them. I often see some old people just standing on the side of the road here, some homeless, others I am just not really sure if they are going to a walk in a weird place or what?? I know I was made to love the elderly and I am overjoyed at the fact that I have something for them... what do I have you ask?? I have the Kingdom of God! I don't just have to feel sorry for them, I actually have something to give them, whatever their need may be... and that is GOOD NEWS!

As a child I had a fascination with Mother Theresa. I remember doing reports on her, while the other children chose sports heroes, or astronauts, I wanted to be like mother theresa. Although I didn't grow up in a Christian home a neighbor invited me to attend a methodist churches Vacation bible School every year in elementary school (actually it is funny I attend Tamarack a jewish overnight camp and vacation bible school in the same summers lol) - anyway one thing I remember sticking out to me in hearing about Jesus at VBS and hearing about Mother Theresa was not being afraid to touch lepers. I thought that was the most beautiful amazing thing I had ever heard. Jesus and mother theresa gave lepers hugs and I wanted to give them hugs too. I thought it was so cool that everyone was afraid of lepers and was mean to them but not Jesus and not Mother T. I also remember my first time really grasping poverty was when I visited Toronto in the 5th grade ... I was there with my dance group and when we arrived in the city we went to the bank to get canadian money I believe... right outside the bank was a homeless man. I stopped... I was so upset, I wanted to sit down next to him. I got in trouble for stopping as I was only 9 years old but we went into the bank and I couldn't talk to anyone I was so sad for this man. I wanted to help him so much.

Here in Lakeland there is a large homeless population. There are over 800 homeless people here - which in a town like Lakeland is A LOT and is actually quite bizarre. We are not a huge town or anything. There is one street downtown where there are 3 different homeless shelters but even if every bed is full in those 3 shelters there would still be about 300 people left on the street. And you see them filling the streets around there at every time of day. A lot of them avoid the shelters honestly because they are really dangerous. Last year I went and served dinner at one of them a lot. It was an interesting experience. I got to hear some of their stories and really get to know them and pray for them. Others would not even dare look you in the eye as you served them food, they were so overwhelmed by shame. It was a crazy environment in the shelter. I didn't feel like a better person or like my weekly good duty was done after I would spend time there.. I felt stirred... I felt awakened... awakened to the fact that God wants to break down the walls in their hearts and bring hope, He is just as relentlessly pursuing the poor as he is in his pursuit of me. Just like I have something to give the elderly I have something to give the poor too.. the Kingdom!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST provided everything in his sacrificial death, everything for the homeless population in lakeland .. everything for the homeless in Detroit ... everything. My mind cannot grasp this because clearly in the physical they are experiencing lack that I cannot provide for... but we really do have something for them that is all sufficient!

I know that I am called to live amongst the poor. I just know it. I gave my life to Christ when I was 16 years old yet through my whole life I see His leadership in me being made for this. I don't know if I will live amongst the poor for a significant portion of my life or maybe just for a couple summers... I don't know what country - I just know that I will. I don't think it makes you more holy to live amongst the poor than if you live in the richest area in the world, as long as you are loving your neighbors no matter where you are :0) In September of 2007 I had this experience with the Lord while going for a run where I heard his voice like I never had before and he spoke concerning me loving the poor and diseased. I wrote down in my journal as soon as I got home and it is honestly crazy to imagine living such a different lifestyle than I do now. Right now I attend a college where I spend my money on getting an education, living ona beautiful campus, buying books to make me smarter, buying clothes, buying food, buying music, electronics, buying decor for my house ... these aren't bad things but God often reminds me that my life is not going to look like this forever ... it is hard to believe I won't always be spending my money towards these things or caring about these things but there will come a time and season when I live very minimally and literally just get dirty loving and serving - I have something for the poor, I have something for the diseased, I have something for the elderly, I have something for the rich man too ..... He doesn't send us into the world empty handed but filled with all the fullness of Himself - able to provide, able to heal, able to cleanse, able to restore....


next time i write i want to look back at this passion i have always had for children, even as a child, and what it means to me now.