so i know what i want to get for my next tattoo! i have a couple more ideas i want to get but i want to wait a long while in between each one for many reasons. money .. making sure i really want it.. and i don't want to fill up all the places i want to get one all in my 20s i will prolly want to get tattoos with meanings for my husband when i'm married and my kids maybe - who knows. i don't want to be all tatted up in places people can see... i have my foot one and i want one on my wrist but mostly on my side/back i want the rest to be. but the earliest i will get this next one will be my 22nd birthday.

anywayyy i am freshly inspired tonight. good music, long drives, harry potter, just inspired by my seeing my friends live their life. i am inspired just to be me. i know we all have those moments in life where we pause and wonder "why did i let that dream die?" ... and we decide then and there that it must be resurrected. that is how i feel tonight.

i also feel just like i cant handle another moment of being something i am not in front of people. today while i was driving to church i heard the Lord say "you cannot define yourself" simple as that. i'll be honest i wasn't even talking to God, or listening to worship music or anything he just said it straight outta the blue. and honestly i was just thinking about something that happened to me a couple months ago...

(if you havent noticed i have been using this blog as a place to ramble now... sorry about this... i guess i am just mostly writing for me to one day look back on not for anybody else who might come across and read this..)

okay anyway a few months ago i was sitting in a church here in lakeland on a sunday morning... a lesbian couple came in and sat right in front of me. they were very openly gay - one dressed as a guy one as a girl, affectionate with each other. not inappropriately affectionate or anything... and they were in fancy clothes too "sunday best..." well they stood in there for worship just kind of observing... and i'm not sure when exactly but before the message had barely started they were outta there. i didn't think much of it but today i was thinking about it. why did they leave? what did they see or hear or feel that made them leave? ... i guess i was thinking this because today i walked out of church early. actually that same day the above couple left early, i did too. i have been leaving church early a lot this semester, just straight up walking out because i don't want to be there. maybe this is wrong but in a way i have learned a LOT from this experience of visiting a lot of churches.

okay well this is gona conclude my late night rambles for now. i'm supposed to go to the beach tomorrow but i cannot find my credit card sooo looks like i'lll be laying out in my backyard, hoping i find my card and can go on wednesday or something.

i dunno why but i feel like i need to spend a day in the sea before leaving the warm weather for 3 weeks.

okay well i decided a great idea for 2010 blogging so get excited. until then my blog is going to suck and not make much sense.