blindsided

couldn't sleep last night
found myself covered in paint at 3am
& realized i was awake because i was feeling
so much pressure.
& i realized that this pressure was only going to
increase for the rest of my days
as i grow older & step into more responsibility as an adult.
pressure on every side
to not fail in anything
to love my family well
to do well in school
to have great friendships
to make money
to live holy
to find a husband
to not miss out on anything
to be beautiful
to be better
pressure.
pressure.

but than i realized what all that worry & tension was...
it is the enemy trying to
steal
kill
& destroy.
you see i have died
and my life is hidden in Christ.
family, school, money, future, identity
all in Christ. there is no pressure in Christ.
only freedom and hope
a power that is stronger than my sin nature
a love that is stronger than death.
there is a major difference between
abiding in the life of Jesus
& trying to be good and right and amazing.
i don't know what I would do
without Christ in me.