currently downloading sleeping at lasts new album "storyboards"
this band is incredible. buy their music or at least read their lyrics - soo beautiful!
figured i would write while it downloads -
"I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (romans 7:18b)
yep that pretty much sums it up - all my best intentions have failed me - every plan i have carefully constructed crumbled before my eyes - and with tear stained cheeks i have surrendered control. why it is so painful to let go of control? i do not know ... but while painful it is also gloriously glorious! i find myself smiling for no apparent reason other than ...... I AM NOT IN CONTROL. because i don't have the ability to be "spiritual" ... i don't have the skills to restore my family to lead them to Christ ... i don't know how to make all things new, and whole ... i don't know how to cure disease ... i straight up don't know how to do anything .... i don't even know the right words to say to my friends ... i want to do all these things, but i simply can't.
however, there is GOOD NEWS
God did not leave me alone to fend for myself
He has given me HIS SPIRIT !!!
wahoooooo ... Jesus said filling us with His very Spirit
was even better than Him staying on this earth with us .... say what!!!! that's crazy!
it is like Paul says to the Galatians ... "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? "
I, myself, am weak ... but knowing that the fullness of His fullness is not only available
but is dwelling in me, its temple ...... WOW
it means that there is power to heal every disease, the words to speak life to my friends,
salvation for my family, restoration of all things, and complete communion with God.
yayayaya - how great is it to wake up in the morning and know
it is not another day of failing miserably to do and be and say all the right things
but another day to walk in the Spirit, abundantly free!!!!!!!!
oh Cari, this is SO beautiful. its so good when we can't do it and its all Jesus doing it through us. It can be hard sometimes as we learn this new way of living, reacting, and thinking- but if done with patience, a relentless spirit, and constant looking for Jesus its so life-giving.
ReplyDeletehmm... I think patience, relentlessness, and constant looking for Jesus are things that are a result of love... I will ponder that. LOVE YOU!
cari, i love this post so much. i feel like i can relate to a LOT of what you wrote in it.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for being you! its so good to lose control!
ps your title is amazing.